My Sister's Birthday. An Inspired Cup Filling Maine Photographer

Every year since my sister Carmen died I have blogged on her birthday, February 10th.  No need to double check your calendar, I'm a bit behind this year, but all with good reason.

This year I chose to attend Inspire.
Inspire is a little get-a-way retreat for photographers.
A little "cup filling" for the soul

Cup filling.

When my kids were babies, my husband and I agreed to let them go to our employers daycare.  It was pricey, and my part time salary didn't even cover the costs, but we both agreed that the boys would lead a richer childhood exposed to other adults and other kids then they would staying home with me watching Y&R.  Our employers daycare was an accredited little school and we enjoyed a few perks as parents, including an occasional guest speaker with sage advice for new parents.  Hands down, the best advice we ever received had to do with that hell hour...you know the one...when you pick up the kids from daycare and get home and try to start supper.  Why was that crazy hour?  Ugly hour?
OMG get me out of here hour?

Simple.
Our boys needed their cup filled.
Undivided attention.
They needed to know we were there for them.  They needed us to sit with them.  Hold them.  Just be there for them.  They hadn't seen us all day.
Fill their cup.

Sometimes cup filling took just a few minutes.

That advice changed our routine.  Now, nearly 20 years later my husband and I continue to use that phrase, but we are usually referring it to me or to our dogs.

The Inspire photographers retreat was cup filling for my photography business soul.  It was emotional.  It was exhausting.  It was soul searching.  It was sharing.  It was vulnerable.  It was tiring.  It was fun.

So, back to my sister Carmen.
She was with me throughout the retreat.  I took one of Carmen's journals with me to use for notes.
Carmen would have loved Inspire.
Happy Birthday Carmen :)
I am inspired.
My inspirational cup is full

My Sister's Birthday 3rd Annual.A Maine Photographer

Here it is, year three already, where I celebrate my sister's birthday for her...without her.  I miss her, and honestly I wish I had made more of an effort to celebrate her birthday with her, instead of celebrating each year without her.  So, to all of you out there who should and could make more of an effort, take it from me...if you can...then just do it...because when you can't...it sucks.

Today is my sister's 56th birthday.
I haven't bought her present yet.  I haven't found the perfect gift for myself yet...but I intend to do that in the next day or two.
This year, I celebrated with my Mom by going to Weston MA to visit Chris, my sister's husband, who is in his second year of the seminary.  We all attended mass, then had a wonderful breakfast.  We visited.  Carmen was with us.  It was a wonderful day.

I brought Chris 2 dozen whoopie pies to share with his brothers. 

 

I

 

    Chloe, our living reminder of Aunt Carmen! 

My Sister's Birthday

Today is my sister's birthday. 

I'm still pretty new at celebrating it without her.

One thing Carmen and I did without fail every year was put much thought into our birthday presents for each other...mine in December, hers in February.

Now that I can no longer give Carmen a physical present, I have decided on a new tradition of buying a birthday present for myself, on my sister's birthday.  I miss the surprise of what Carmen would have picked out for me...and I miss the shopping of finding the perfect gift for her.

Last year, for Carmen's birthday I gathered with family and friends to put together a photo album celebrating her life. 

When Carmen turned 50 she had started a project she called her Alpha Omega project.  This was the album that would highlight her life, with pictures and stories and accomplishments.  Carmen never did put together the album, but she did leave a very organized selection of photos and scrapbooking supplies labeled and filed in folders for those of us left behind to assemble for her...and that is what we did. 
Other ways I have continued to celebrate Carmen's life...
     I joined a prayer shawl group.  I have never knit anything in my life.  My sister received a prayer shawl during the last months of her life.  She was so touched by this gift, I vowed to myself to make a shawl for someone else needing comfort...some day.  I started my first prayer shawl in October...and realistically...hope to finish it...sometime in 2011.
     I started photographing the Cats at the Animal Refuge League.  Yes I did this mostly for myself, but Carmen Loved Cats!!....so I do feel a special connection with her with this particular labor of love.
     My dog Chloe is named after my sister.  My dog came into the world the day my sister transitioned out of it.  My dog is pure love and joy.  I'm pretty sure Carmen is ok with my little legacy...and I might add...Chloe is such a big sister to my new kitty...just like Carmen was to me.
     And, I'd like to end this post with a quote I read earlier this week...as I wish my big sister a Happy Birthday...Happy Birthday Carmen!

Make fun of death. We are as dead as it gets, and we are fully aware of this joyous experience. We are with you every time you allow it. We are in every singing bird and in every joyful child. We are part of every delicious pulsing in your environment. We are not dead, and neither will you ever be! You will just get up, one day, and get out of the movie.


--- Abraham

Family and friends assembling Carmen's Alpha Omega Album



The present I bought myself for my sister's birthday

My prayer shawl...a slow labor of love!

My love Chloe...and her new baby sister Little Starr