Inspiration. A Maine Photographer

Every year, for the past six years I have blogged on February 10.  I have blogged about my sister Carmen.  February 10th is her birthday.

Carmen died in December of 2009, after a long illness.  At that time I was just beginning my photography journey as a professional.  My work has grown so much in six years, that one thing I know with certainty is if I had asked Carmen to allow me to document her journey and bring awareness and knowledge to her struggles, I believe she would have embraced it.  I truly wish she was here today to share with me...her journey...and my journey.  She will always be an inspiration to me.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I was going to be posting some photos of people who have brought me inspiration this past year.  I have more to share, so I will continue to do so in the next few posts.  I started this particular blog series in preparation for a photography inspiration retreat I would be attending.  I attended Inspire last year and couldn't wait to do it again.

Inspiration can and does come in all forms.
Last year I met Vy.
She greeted me when I walked into the hotel for the Inspire convention.  A little welcoming committee all on her own.  She invited me to sit on the sofa with her and talk.  Vy is from Vietnam and her English is very good, and although my middle aged ears kept asking her to repeat she never seemed frustrated with me and always repeated whenever asked.  We became friends instantly, and touched base throughout the event.

Once home, Vy and I became facebook friends, and then I started to see a glimpse of her life as a whole, not just the young photographer I met.

Again, inspiration comes in all ways.

Vy is a young Wife.
Vy is a Mom to a very special little girl named Tamara who has SMA.
Vy has a facebook page Rolling with SMA to educate and share.
Vy started her photography business because she has to be a stay at home Mom.
Vy is always learning how to communicate in English, both spoken and written.
...and if all of this isn't inspiration enough...
Vy is a positive, smiling, energetic bundle of fun!
Vy is fearless!
Pardon my English Vy, but you are a badass!
You, are an inspiration.  :)

Vy and I just reconnected at Inspire 2016 this past week in Newport RI
Vy submitted her work to be critiqued by some amazing photographers.  In her words, she was in the "hot seat"
Vy is a badass...and an inspiration.

My Sister's Birthday. An Inspired Cup Filling Maine Photographer

Every year since my sister Carmen died I have blogged on her birthday, February 10th.  No need to double check your calendar, I'm a bit behind this year, but all with good reason.

This year I chose to attend Inspire.
Inspire is a little get-a-way retreat for photographers.
A little "cup filling" for the soul

Cup filling.

When my kids were babies, my husband and I agreed to let them go to our employers daycare.  It was pricey, and my part time salary didn't even cover the costs, but we both agreed that the boys would lead a richer childhood exposed to other adults and other kids then they would staying home with me watching Y&R.  Our employers daycare was an accredited little school and we enjoyed a few perks as parents, including an occasional guest speaker with sage advice for new parents.  Hands down, the best advice we ever received had to do with that hell hour...you know the one...when you pick up the kids from daycare and get home and try to start supper.  Why was that crazy hour?  Ugly hour?
OMG get me out of here hour?

Simple.
Our boys needed their cup filled.
Undivided attention.
They needed to know we were there for them.  They needed us to sit with them.  Hold them.  Just be there for them.  They hadn't seen us all day.
Fill their cup.

Sometimes cup filling took just a few minutes.

That advice changed our routine.  Now, nearly 20 years later my husband and I continue to use that phrase, but we are usually referring it to me or to our dogs.

The Inspire photographers retreat was cup filling for my photography business soul.  It was emotional.  It was exhausting.  It was soul searching.  It was sharing.  It was vulnerable.  It was tiring.  It was fun.

So, back to my sister Carmen.
She was with me throughout the retreat.  I took one of Carmen's journals with me to use for notes.
Carmen would have loved Inspire.
Happy Birthday Carmen :)
I am inspired.
My inspirational cup is full

My Sister's Birthday. A Maine Photographer

Every year since my sister Carmen died I have been blogging on her birthday.  It's kind of like a recap journal for myself of how I'm working through stuff without her. Here is year three, two, and one and the first birthday after her death.
I met with Mom today to go out to lunch together.  I also started doing this a few years ago to help cheer my Mom up on this day.  We had a nice lunch which we were going to follow up with a little shopping, but Mom wasn't feeling well, so I dropped her off and headed home myself...

Which I thought was a good idea...because Ms Chloebutt, AKA Chloe, born on the day my sister died, named after my sister, also hasn't been well for the past 24 hours.  I am assuming it's pregnancy related...after all...she is sick like a dog.  This is how the last two days have gone...SpotBot going 24/7 and after three trips to the bathtub we finally shaved a bit of her back end out of shear exhaustion!  One month ago Chloe attempted to fulfill her destiny as a Mommy...but when she failed to play naturally, science played a role and she was artificially inseminated.  If the procedure worked, and if Ms Chloe is indeed "with puppy" we have a due date of March 6th.  I will have a series of blog posts devoted primarily to Ms Chloe, starting next month.

Two weeks ago I unpacked Carmen's kaleidoscope

collection.  They had been packed since I packed up my old studio in October of 2012.  It was wonderful to get them out where they can now be enjoyed.  In addition, I've decided to revisit making kaleidoscope art with my photography.  I had begun doing this when my boys were very little...not sure why I stopped...but this is one area where I know I can offer clients one of a kind art like no one else does.  (this photo is my wedding bouquet...and yes...a bit of my cleavage too)

I continue to photograph the cats at the Animal Refuge League, every Monday.  I started doing this in the Spring of 2010, inspired by Carmen's absolute love of cats, and I am still doing it today.

 
Every year I miss picking out that perfect birthday gift for my sister.  I used to keep my eyes open all year round to pick out a gift that I knew she would love, and she always did the same for me.  I can remember all the way back to when my sister was in college and she would pick out something perfect for me at a craft fair. I absolutely always looked forward to reciprocating and picking out the perfect gift for her.  I wish I had told her that was one tradition I would never give up...and to this day I continue to search for that perfect gift I know she would love.  This year I'm buying her a bottle tree.  The one in this photo belongs to my friend Cheryl.  I had never seen or heard of them before, but the moment I saw it, I knew my sister Carmen would totally have loved it.  I'm sure you can guess Carmen's bottle tree will not look quite like this one...lucky for me...Carmen loved blue, purple and green!  Carmen's tree will be a work in progress and I promise to post photos in the Spring!

  

My Sister's Birthday 3rd Annual.A Maine Photographer

Here it is, year three already, where I celebrate my sister's birthday for her...without her.  I miss her, and honestly I wish I had made more of an effort to celebrate her birthday with her, instead of celebrating each year without her.  So, to all of you out there who should and could make more of an effort, take it from me...if you can...then just do it...because when you can't...it sucks.

Today is my sister's 56th birthday.
I haven't bought her present yet.  I haven't found the perfect gift for myself yet...but I intend to do that in the next day or two.
This year, I celebrated with my Mom by going to Weston MA to visit Chris, my sister's husband, who is in his second year of the seminary.  We all attended mass, then had a wonderful breakfast.  We visited.  Carmen was with us.  It was a wonderful day.

I brought Chris 2 dozen whoopie pies to share with his brothers. 

 

I

 

    Chloe, our living reminder of Aunt Carmen! 

My Sister's Birthday

Today is my sister's birthday. 

I'm still pretty new at celebrating it without her.

One thing Carmen and I did without fail every year was put much thought into our birthday presents for each other...mine in December, hers in February.

Now that I can no longer give Carmen a physical present, I have decided on a new tradition of buying a birthday present for myself, on my sister's birthday.  I miss the surprise of what Carmen would have picked out for me...and I miss the shopping of finding the perfect gift for her.

Last year, for Carmen's birthday I gathered with family and friends to put together a photo album celebrating her life. 

When Carmen turned 50 she had started a project she called her Alpha Omega project.  This was the album that would highlight her life, with pictures and stories and accomplishments.  Carmen never did put together the album, but she did leave a very organized selection of photos and scrapbooking supplies labeled and filed in folders for those of us left behind to assemble for her...and that is what we did. 
Other ways I have continued to celebrate Carmen's life...
     I joined a prayer shawl group.  I have never knit anything in my life.  My sister received a prayer shawl during the last months of her life.  She was so touched by this gift, I vowed to myself to make a shawl for someone else needing comfort...some day.  I started my first prayer shawl in October...and realistically...hope to finish it...sometime in 2011.
     I started photographing the Cats at the Animal Refuge League.  Yes I did this mostly for myself, but Carmen Loved Cats!!....so I do feel a special connection with her with this particular labor of love.
     My dog Chloe is named after my sister.  My dog came into the world the day my sister transitioned out of it.  My dog is pure love and joy.  I'm pretty sure Carmen is ok with my little legacy...and I might add...Chloe is such a big sister to my new kitty...just like Carmen was to me.
     And, I'd like to end this post with a quote I read earlier this week...as I wish my big sister a Happy Birthday...Happy Birthday Carmen!

Make fun of death. We are as dead as it gets, and we are fully aware of this joyous experience. We are with you every time you allow it. We are in every singing bird and in every joyful child. We are part of every delicious pulsing in your environment. We are not dead, and neither will you ever be! You will just get up, one day, and get out of the movie.


--- Abraham

Family and friends assembling Carmen's Alpha Omega Album



The present I bought myself for my sister's birthday

My prayer shawl...a slow labor of love!

My love Chloe...and her new baby sister Little Starr